tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6860351105799401846.post6320854027576800812..comments2022-11-16T04:10:21.380-08:00Comments on A year without sex: "It's not you, it's me"Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12827519093295854771noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6860351105799401846.post-76349946259638926602009-07-21T04:36:34.212-07:002009-07-21T04:36:34.212-07:00Sungold: thanks for that! I would be interested in...Sungold: thanks for that! I would be interested in having a look at some of these books by Perel and Schnarch. Can you recommend a title or two for me? I very much agree with an image from "Getting the Love you want" by Harville Hendrix (highly recommended). He suggested that we should seek not to be a vessel that is filled by our partner, but rather, that we should be an overflowing vessel that has something to offer to our partner. Or, in more common parlance: don't be needy; be happy in yourself -- it's far sexier! :) <br /><br />Rae: I agree, our relationships are the best study hall for these issues. Perhaps we don't get taught about it in school because we need to learn by doing -- by being in that relationship, and feeling how it feels, and making our own decisions as we go. I mean, everyone over the age of 12 or 14 must know the importance of "be yourself". But do they know what that is, or how to do it? I suspect not many people under 30 or 40 know that -- and perhaps not many over, either! So maybe we don't get taught because it's inherently unteachable stuff. But... I still think there's SOME good stuff we could be learning about relationships and personal growth while in school. I hope one day they start teaching it. <br /><br />To both of you: thanks so much for your thoughts and positive energy. I very much appreciate your feedback and warmth! 8^)Markhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12827519093295854771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6860351105799401846.post-69521494017690834112009-07-16T20:52:26.999-07:002009-07-16T20:52:26.999-07:00I definitely agree that I wish I would have learne...I definitely agree that I wish I would have learned a little more as a youngster about healthy relationships -- as opposed to reading fairy tales and storybook endings that never happen in real life. I might have some kind of answer for you about the line between healthy independence and intimacy.<br />I guess we just have to work to find that level of comfort within our own relationships and then we'll know. I doubt it's the same for any two relationships -- that line between independence and intimacy. What greater study hall than a relationship of your own, right?Raehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13352920897908430774noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6860351105799401846.post-65435060612577155642009-07-16T14:48:17.170-07:002009-07-16T14:48:17.170-07:00I think it's wonderful that you're playing...I think it's wonderful that you're playing your cello. Whatever you do *for you* can only be good. And some of the authors on marriage that I've found most helpful (Esther Perel, David Schnarch) insist that developing some independence and healthy distance can actually increase real intimacy (and heat up sexual passion). Even if Sue doesn't respond, though, you'll likely feel stronger and happier. I hope so, anyway!Sungoldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02153155221248240952noreply@blogger.com