Sunday, June 28, 2009

nine months in and blah blah blah

So, we're nine months in and three to go.
Long enough to gestate a baby.
And, I'm kind of over it.
I don't have much interest in sex recently. Which is, under the circumstances, an unequivocally good thing!
And biding my time doesn't seem a challenge any more.
I kind of feel like it's all downhill from here.
I can kind of just turn my mind off and wait.

But... that thought is a bit of a worry. Turn my mind off to this whole issue? To tune out to sex and the whole area of emotional and physical intimacy seems so much like tuning out of our relationship in general.

I don't know. I just don't feel like I have the energy to get all worked up about the whole thing any more.

What's a boy to do?


  1. So, what's the plan? A year after ... you initiate? What if she turns you down after all this? Have your thoughts changed on that subject?

  2. Hey Rae, thanks for your question -- and I still owe you an email -- I haven't forgotten! :)

    So... after a year. No, I don't think I would initiate just like that. That would be too much. Too much pressure on her (for it to come out of the blue like that) and too much pressure on me (because the symbolism of being turned down would be pretty hard to take). So, after a year I guess I will tell her where I stand. Perhaps ask her if she realized what I had been doing (not the blog, of course! just the vow), and what (if anything) that meant to her.

    I would like to think that she would see it as a gift and would be grateful for it, but somehow I don't think that's how it will go down.

    I think it's a bit nutty that she hasn't said anything yet. Never a single acknowlegement that our life has changed since I took the vow. Directly, or indirectly. It's almost like she's taken a vow herself -- a vow to act as if she hadn't noticed!

    Of course, I haven't mentioned it to her either. Perhaps I should have. But at this late stage I think it's better that I don't. I don't want her to feel pressured, like the clock is ticking.

    Our life is so happy, so comfortable, in so many ways, perhaps it's best if I just try to carve as much happiness as possible out of a sexless, non-emotionally intimate relationship.

    But I am getting well and truly ahead of myself there!

    We will find out in 2 1/2 months! :)

    Thanks for asking, Rae. I appreciate it.