Monday, April 20, 2009
I'm pleased to say that things are getting better between Susan and me. I got her to talk to me and I felt we made some headway. We didn't talk about sex and all that -- more about general issues in our relationship. Reversing your normal stereotype, she doesn't like to talk much -- least of all about relationship stuff. When she does, she wants it to be quick, efficient, goal oriented, transactional, and finished -- not to be repeated unless for necessary clarification.
That probably makes her sound quite severe, which she is not. But nor is she the sort of girl who wears her heart on her sleave.
My intuition seems to have been right. She senses that her sexual abuse as a child might be one of our relationship roadblocks.
She also seems open to the idea that she is currently suffering from the "wall of fear" that survivors of sexual abuse have when they are worried that old wounds might come up.
It seems that that is part, or even all, of the reason she doesn't like to talk much.
So I am trying to coax her along. Not to talk about her sexual abuse, but to open up to me a bit more. I could live (as I've discovered!) without sex. I could (ALMOST) live without cuddles. But living without emotional intimacy too? That's a bridge too far. So I am trying to coax her along.
It will be a long road. But we will get there.
One step at a time.